Dove
by Not A Pretty Girl
Summary: An introspective piece on Relena and her feelings for Heero.


Dove  
  
Relena sighed, a long, loud, drawn out breath of air escaping from her lungs. She felt exhausted in all senses of the word. This day seemed like it was never going to end. Pushing away from her desk, she swiveled her chair around to face the window.   
  
*How did I get myself into this?* she wondered, her hand massaging her throbbing temples. *How did I let myself get buried this far?* She glanced over her right shoulder at the mounds of paperwork still present on her desk. Treaties to sign, forms to fill, world decisions resting on her thin shoulders. At least there were no more meetings that day. It was talking with all of those people that got to her the most. Having to look at all their smiling faces when underneath those tired masks, they were mocking every word she spoke.  
  
Relena's blank eyes stared out the window at the vast ocean crashing up against the shore stretched out beneath the palace. The rhythmic sound of the waves lulled her into a blissfully calm stupor. Her eyelids fluttered closed and her head dropped onto her shoulder in the peaceful form of sleep. She had dozed off no more than two minutes when she was rudely awakened by the shrill ringing of her vid-phone. Jerking violently awake and chastising herself for drifting off, Relena spun back around in her chair.  
  
"Hello?" Relena greeted, her perfect smile once again in place. Noin's face flickered into view looking grim.   
  
"Miss Relena," Noin said, bowing her head slightly. "I'm sorry, but could you possibly stay later tonight? The ESUN delegations meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow and there's a lot of things to be taken care of before then."  
  
Inside, Relena was screaming at this news, but she offered her sister-in-law an easy going smile. "Of course, Noin. Can you call Milliardo and tell him not to expect me home until later?"  
  
"It's already been done. Relena, you should really take a day off soon, you're looking a little peaked."  
  
"Really?" Relena asked, feigning surprise. "Well, when is there a day available to take a break?"  
  
Noin typed something on her laptop and her eyes widened. "Er…"  
  
"Let me guess," Relena interrupted dryly, sounding a little more bitter than she intended to. "I'm booked up for the next three months or so."  
  
"Four, actually." Noin said apologetically. "Relena, I'm really-"  
  
"Sorry. Yes I know." Relena paused and gathered what little patience she had left, lacing her words with it. "Forgive me I'm just a little tired. I should really finish up with this paperwork so I can prep for tomorrow's council meeting."  
  
Noin looked a little wary about Relena's previous display of anger. "Right, of course. I'll come up a bit later to check on you. Noin, over and out." She paused and blushed. "Sorry, bad habit. Bye then."  
  
The screen shrank and then disappeared all together. As soon as it had, Relena collapsed back in her chair, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. The pile of work seemed to have grown even larger than it had been a few minutes ago. At this rate she would be home around one in the morning. Just enough time to get in her required five hours of sleep before waking up to do it all over again.  
  
"But it's not the work that bothers you, is it?" Relena asked herself, gazing down at the mounds of papers. "Then what is it?"  
  
She lay her head gently on the desk, a few tears drizzling down her cheeks and splattering on the aged oak. She knew the answer to her question.  
  
And it was the answer that scared her the most.  
  
The hours crawled by, each second announced by the infernal ticking of the wall clock. Relena paused every now and then to shake out her hand, which cramped up from time to time. The silence of the room bore down around her, leaving her own mind open for only her thoughts with nothing else to distract her from them.  
  
*So here you are again, Relena. Same old tired office with the same old tired face.* She thought, accenting every remark with a furious swipe of her ball-point pen. This resulted in her signature looking a bit more lopsided than usual, but it would have to do. She often wondered why she even bothered. No one really noticed what she was trying to do anyway.  
  
*You are a figurehead for the people. An icon of peace.* she told herself, pausing halfway through a particularly long and boring document to stare blankly at the wall, eyes clouded in thought. *But you are also replaceable. In the end, your entire career, no, entire life, has been nothing but an elaborate lie. Nothing they can say is real. Not even…not even "I love you."*  
  
An involuntary chill swept through her body at those three innocent little words that she had never heard spoken aloud.   
  
"Heero…"  
  
He too, was nothing but a lie. He was her strength, her hero, and yes, the one love of her life. But to him, she was nothing. She was still just the princess, and he was the soldier. He hated her. There was no doubt about that. And yet…  
  
Sometimes, when he looked at her, she could see something there in his eyes that had never been present before. But those moments were fleeting and passed by so quickly it seemed like she had only imagined them after all.  
  
*I must be going crazy.* she decided, snapping back to reality. *Heero is nothing to me. Not anymore.*  
  
But even to herself, those words sounded hollow.   
  
No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't push him out of her heart. Relena didn't know what love was, and there was no way to tell if her feelings ran that deep. But there was something there that she couldn't deny. How could she know if she loved him, when he hated her so?  
  
"One kiss, Heero." she murmured, touching her lower lip gently with her forefinger. "Just one kiss, and then I will know."   
  
The empty, silent office greeted her words with nothing, and Relena was glad.  
  
  
  
Author's Note- R&R please, or Lena-chan will cry. Stay tuned for parts 2&3!  



End file.
